Wardrobe Malfunction

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When daughter Lise was here at Thanksgiving, we bought look-alike tops. They were made of extremely soft polyester, rather fuzzy and quite warm. Since it wasn’t particularly cold at the time, I don’t think she wore hers here. I wore mine a week or so ago and noticed that it had a tendency to creep upwards. I pulled at it all day long. Thinking it would have been cured in the washing machine, I put it on again this morning before walking. Whoa! Big mistake! After chatting with neighbor Marla at the quarter point of my walk, I realized the top had decided to slither up. There were two other layers on top – a sweater and a windbreaker. How bad could it get? I trotted off downhill to the stream. I should realize by now that when I ask myself a question, I should wait for a considered opinion.

020118 Wardrobe malfunction.jpg
Anne laughing at herself, and slithery top trying to look innocent.

The top was bunching up as I passed the cafe. I was acutely aware that neighbors Shawn and Bob might be inside having breakfast. They spoke to me as they passed in their vehicles, and they turned into the cafe parking lot. I hoped they were in the hardware area instead of the cafe if my top was going to embarrass me. Shame would be bad enough before strangers, but please! not dear neighbors! I would have given anything to pull that top down, because I was beginning to feel like the Michelin Man, with lumpy spare tires gathering momentum around my middle.

Years ago one could feel safe pulling at clothes when no one was looking. Now? There could be hidden security cameras recording your every move. I crossed the highway and passed the fire station. Two men and a woman were examining a pickup truck in the parking lot, possibly considering a purchase. Surely the hefty truck would hold their interest while I walked by.

As I huffed and puffed up the steep hill, I longed to take off the windbreaker. Air! Air! In front of Marla’s house, off came the windbreaker. The top had bunched up and was trying to wave at all the cars from the neck of the sweatshirt. I reasoned that as long as I kept my arms down, the slithery top could not possibly creep over my head. When not picking my way through two icy patches, I let my hands check the hem of the sweatshirt from time to time. Thank heavens it seemed firmly anchored to the jeans, well below the danger line. Our front door never looked so inviting! I rushed through it and sagged with relief that I had made it home without exposing more than hand and facial skin.

Would you agree that worry alone should have burned more calories than usual?

Published by Anne Mehrling

I'm a retiree who loves to write about life in the mountains of North Carolina.

Published

67 thoughts on “Wardrobe Malfunction”

  1. You’ll have to take up wearing braces (suspenders) to anchor it in place Anne. You can slip a piece in each part of the braces before you attach it to your waistband. No more cold draughts about the tummy then.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

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  3. Anne
    I laughed when I read about your adventures with your top. Did you feel chilly when the top moved up ?
    Sometimes I wear two layers of leggings to keep warm. This is a mistake as I have found.
    If one of the layers is coming down undone, I am unable to feel it because of the second layer. I only know it when the one is lying at my feet and in public I have to bend over to pull it up.
    Susie

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      1. It happened as I was getting out of church on a wintry morning. I feel extra cold usually so I had two layers of trousers. The outer one fell down as it had been held together by a tie and I didn’t know. Here I was standing in front of a man whom we knew and talking and I suddenly found I couldn’t move. Looking down, I found my trousers were blocking my movement. imagine my plight.

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  9. I feel for you and your difficult top. Honestly, considering how much clothing costs I believe that it should do exactly what I want it to do. No sneaky behavior, thank you very much. Just make me look great and thin!

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        1. Isn’t it marvelous getting to know people through blogging? I’m a very open person for one reason. My face is like an open book. I can’t hide anything, and everyone can read me by looking at my face. When I was just a little child, I learned that I could never lie, because it would be written all over my face. That probably saved me lots of trouble in life.

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  16. I know exactly how you feel!! Friday evening during my run I could feel that my tights kept inching down. Of course this was the time I had chosen to run beside a busy road so I couldn’t stop to hike them up:( I swear the crotch was at my knees by the time I got home! Bad enough to look funny, but the awkward feeling is even worse!

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  17. Oh my goodness Anne . . . you nearly became a FLASHER!
    (actually laughing out loud here)

    I wonder . . . since it was the ‘under’ layer to another top – and under your jacket too . . . perhaps try tucking the offending top into your trousers, to see if that will keep it anchored … and then put your other top, or jacket, over it. That way you’d have the warmth without the discomfort of all the bunching and riding up.

    Other than that . . . since it was a bargain buy … cut it up into dusting and cleaning cloths. Ta daaah!
    lol …. ~ Cobs. xxx

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    1. Unfortunately, Cobs, there isn’t room for anything in my jeans but me. Good idea, though. As to cleaning cloths — I draw the line there. I hate cleaning, so I wouldn’t relegate the top to that. It would hurt me to use it for that once-a-year use.

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  18. what a mess! I wore a skirt several weeks ago to work, and when I got home I got rid of it . It caught up all day long-what a spectacle for the children who are so very glad to inform you of all sorts of such things!

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  21. Oh. My. Word. Anne! I must confess to laughing my way through this one! I remember as a kid just starting to wear nylons. Back then it was garters to hold them up. There was nothing worse than having one come loose in church and trying to hook the back one back up. I would always hook my skirt at the same time and it was embarrassing when that became evident! I was so grateful for pantyhose!
    When being attacked by your clothing there is really not much one can do about it in public. You are so right about all the cameras around. I would hate to end up as a YouTube video!

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      1. Thank you Anne, At the bottom of my About Page, there is a calendar. On the dates when I have posted something, there is a small line. If you click on that date you go to my page. Regards

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