Misers do not throw things away lightly. When a head cold struck, I searched the bathroom closet for something, anything!, to make me feel better. Since my children regularly check for out-dated medications, I was confident nothing dangerous lurked there. I found cough medicine in a new-looking box. The expiration date was December – so far, so good. The year? 2006. It was 12 years old! I moved that box from New York to North Carolina when it was eight years old. Did I think it would improve with age, like wine? I certainly was not improving with age.

A day later, we bought cough syrup in the supermarket. Wouldn’t you think pharmaceuticals would have improved in 12 years? I thought so. I’m still getting worse after three doses. It must not be a miracle drug. I think my eyelids are swollen, because they don’t feel like they fit on my face any more. I would take a selfie if I thought it would prove I’m still alive.