I used a candlelight carol service as a yardstick! As I rode to the service with another church member, I realized I hadn’t been inside the church for a long time, because I now attend regular services there via online streaming. The last time I was there in person was for the same gathering a year ago. It was marvelous to be among familiar people that I often talked to when John was alive and driving us to church.

After the service was over, I realized there was a marked contrast between last year and this. I had no hesitancy in crossing the room to speak to people before. This time I couldn’t see faces clearly. I hung back. Because the people are friendly, they came to me and greeted me warmly. They’ll never know how much I appreciated that. I had read that losing an ability causes older people to withdraw, and now I’ve experienced the beginning of it.

Many women’s voices don’t carry well. Because of that, I couldn’t understand the announcements. I followed the crowd and asked people around me what was said. There is a growing distance between me and the rest of the world. It’s no wonder I feel more comfortable standing by someone I know who will interpret for me.

My best comparison between last year and this is that I don’t think my brain is failing nearly as quickly as my eyesight and hearing. As soon as people came within arm’s length, I could have told you their first and last names. What a relief that was! I may not see you or hear you easily, but given half a chance, I’ll call you by name.