It has been almost a year now, folks. Aren’t you tired of hoarding toilet paper? We never bought any ahead of time, trusting we could buy more when we needed it. Recently my bathroom was the one needing more, and there were only a few odd brands on the shelf. I read the labels carefully, wanting to avoid one-ply – the kind you need to tear off six feet for the simplest job. I shunned the obese rolls that get stuck in our holder. John was ready to set up a camp chair when I decided on the least offensive package.

A few days later, the first roll made its debut (de-bue not de-butt). My suspicions were aroused, because I could HEAR it unroll. Granted, there were no splinters in the paper, but it was CRISP! Crisp is not the ideal adjective for toilet paper. I am going to deal with it, hopefully without undue complaint. I beg you, if you have a closet full of TP, wait until you’ve used up half of it before you buy more. Please give the rest of us a chance to get our normal brands. Thank you.