Clean-up and Play

Daughter Lise spent hours going through old boxes that were moved here eight years ago, unopened. John and I should have gone through them to enjoy old memories and give our children their keepsakes. She has piles of things to give to family members and a stack of letters for me to go through. I found a binder with notes written in my hand about the practice teaching I did when I was a senior in college. What an eye-opener! I remembered only one day of teaching, a day when the children were a bit unruly and I felt ineffective. Those pages showed me that I was organized, and the second-graders responded wonderfully to simple music theory and singing in two parts.

We took a welcome break when former neighbor Connie came for lunch while Albert was being groomed. David knelt on the floor to fit in the photo.

Luckily, there is no photo of my running. While walking in the morning, I asked Lise if she could still skip. She could. I’d tried it the day before when she thought I was skipping, but I didn’t get my feet off the road. Could she run if she wanted to? With no announcement, I took off running. I just HAD to try it!! On the third step, the right foot hit the sole of the left shoe, and I was falling. I had time to think what a fool I had been and wonder how badly I would be hurt when I hit the road. In an instant Lise had her hand on my arm, steadying me. She claims I caught myself. We looked at each other with wide eyes and then howled with laughter. Lise’s first thought was that her siblings would demand to know why she hadn’t protected me from myself while she was with me.

David untangled wires behind John’s computer desk. The desk had been moved quickly, and we wanted to replace a monitor with one Lise found in a closet.

Since I had paid the electric bills electronically, we thought it would be simple to change John’s name to mine. We had to go to the office, provide a death certificate, fill out numerous forms, and set up the payment again using the same bank account. The woman was very helpful, and as we got up, she offered me a rain gauge or a hat. I took the hat! I always wanted to own a baseball cap with no ties to a sport, and now I have one.

As we started up the steep hill this morning, we stopped to admire the mist and the mountains. Lise was sure the corn in the foreground grew overnight. There is always something to see that is different from the day before.

Memorial Service and Family Time

Reblog:

The trip from Massachusetts to North Carolina went amazingly well. Chris and I weren’t sure how it would go. We knew we wanted to avoid traffic so we decided to drive through the night. Uncle John had always said that was the best time to travel, too, so I felt that approval right from the get-go. Gotta tell you — the views were not bad. We were in the hills of PA when the sun dipped down for the night….

Full post – https://chrissie.blog/2022/07/21/memorial-service-and-family-time/

Race in the Supermarket

Daughter Lise and I bought doughnuts, then went in the supermarket to pick up a few items. Being aware of the hot sun beating down on the car, we hurried up and down the aisles to save the sweets. As we turned a corner, I realized I had the advantage and walked as fast as I could to get ahead of Lise. She commented on my speed and closed the distance. The race was on. She was handicapped by the small cart, so I tried not to dart around elderly people. The paper aisle was free, and we both went at top speed to pick up tissues. No one else was in the frozen food aisle. We looked like a couple of goons, going as fast as we could without trotting, giggling the whole time.

We were a bit more sedate when porch-sitting with neighbors, without lessening the fun. I forgot to take a photo when neighbor Joyce came to our back porch. I did get one at Holly’s house. Shawn is not elusive, but I failed to catch her.

Note Macy, the dog, posing on the floor.

Family Times

When husband John joined a train club four hours away, I told him my hobby was going out to eat. Bless his heart, he honored that. Before he died, we were in the habit of eating at a restaurant on grandson David’s day off and on Sunday. I began to take a photo of the two men across the table. I’m very pleased to have those shots now, keepsakes of relaxed times when we chatted and laughed together. David is working as usual these days, and Lise is transforming our house into organized living. What a whirlwind she is! All of John’s papers have been put into folders, and the office closet now houses games and jigsaw puzzles. She and David straightened up the hall linen closet, and the guest room storage space is now under scrutiny. Lise and I are dealing with paperwork for change of titles for large items, life insurance claims, retirement benefits, medical bills, and change of names on all joint accounts. We have continued our habit of eating out. Here are photos of my lunch companions across the table and David’s tuna wrap at Beach Mountain Diner.

We asked David to pose with both of us at Waynesville Pizza.

I’ve never spoken of the Maclin Pat, a new name for a goofy practice that my brother Bob and I began when we were teenagers. Maclin is our family name, hence the title. In a teasing mood, we’d cock our heads at an angle, put on a silly expression, and pat each other’s arms. David and I continued the practice when he came to live here, and Lise has joined in. Would you agree with me that the ritual needed to be documented?

Month One

The first month after John’s death went by quickly. Grandson David and our marvelous neighbors looked after me until daughter Lise arrived from Denmark. Lise is a whirlwind who can manage anything easily and organize everything quickly. What a blessing she is! We began where we left off after her last visit, walking to the creek.

She rearranged and organized John’s office, beginning with papers on his desk. By the first memorial service, the room was pristine, although the closet had not yet been transformed.

The day after the funeral, we took a break. My children, grandchildren, and I went on the Blue Ridge Parkway, dodging rainstorms. We ate leftovers from the two huge meals Marco prepared for out-of-town relatives.

Nathaniel and Sarah had to get back to their jobs, followed the next day by John $ and Kate. How grateful I was that they could be here! It dawned on me that there was no need to identify my son by his first two names, because he was now the only John in the room. He will continue to be $ to me, though. Marco had one more day, and we went to Big Creek where I spotted a boulder with two hearts.

Lise invited Logan over to play games. She introduced him to a new card game she had brought from Denmark involving numbers and strategy. When David came home, the three played DOS on the porch.

Lise and I called neighbor Bob when we couldn’t change a bulb in the shower that had been there over eight years. He came right over, saw we had almost made a big mess, and quickly found a bulb in our garage and replaced it. We were very grateful he let us watch, because the bulb burned out the next morning. The bulb must have been sitting around a long time and assumed its job with false assurance. We bought the kind of bulb Bob recommended, and David provided the needed height. Thank you very, very much Bob and David.

Yesterday we had the second memorial service for John for church members. I took a photo after friend Susan put his ashes under the pall at the front of the church. David and I sat in a pew at the front. John had been a member of the choir for several years, and the group sang a Kyrie and a hymn. It was ethereal, the best I’d ever heard them sing that type of music. John would have loved it.

I was filling out a form that asked for my marital status. The word “widow” popped in my mind, but the choices were married or single. I laughed. How on earth could I be single after being married for 58 years?? I felt like putting “suddenly single”. Single will never feel right, but I’ll get used to it.

One of the best things of this first month was hearing people talk about John. They praised him for his work in the church, admired his vast knowledge of many things, spoke of his gift for leveling railroad tracks, commented on missing his many e-mail messages, and shared stories from long ago to the present.

Choo Choo John — Word Quilt

My greatly-loved Uncle John died June 11. Almost a full month ago, and I’m still reeling a bit. Many of you already knew that he died since you follow my amazing Aunt Anne’s blog — Mehrling Muse – Life in the Mountains. I haven’t written because I felt it was her right to share first.…
Choo Choo John — Word Quilt

A Fun Funeral

In my Southern American culture, a funeral is a celebration of life for a person who lived a long, full life. I can say with certainty that John, a Yankee by birth, would have enjoyed his own funeral. He experienced what I call a “good funeral” when my dad died years ago. We were at the funeral home for two 2-hour periods when family and friends dropped by to visit. The next day we had the service at church and followed the hearse to the cemetery for a short graveside ceremony. This was a reunion of family and friends where people shared remembrances of Dad, caught up on life events, and laughed freely at funny stories. The warmth and love flowed freely, drawing us all together. There is nothing quite like a good funeral.

Our circumstances were a bit different for John. He died four hours from home, and grandson David had been with him at the train club. Caring friends spent time with David, giving him time to recover overnight before driving back here. Neighbor Shawn spent the night in our house so I wouldn’t be alone. Neighbors Bob, Logan, Jeff and his wife, Joyce, Holly, Frankie, and Lisa spent time with me and brought food. My brother Bob came for a few days, and then daughter Lise arrived from Denmark. Family and friends were in contact. How could you not see joy in life when surrounded with such love and support?

Lise and niece Chrissie did all the planning for this great gathering of kinfolks. They found the one date that worked for the most number of people. There were roughly 20 who ate dinner with us the night before the service and those 20 plus another 20 had lunch here after it. Lise’s friend Marco was the chef, who had a great round of applause at the end.

John’s sister Barbara had a birthday on the date of his funeral. Her children brought an ice cream cake, which disappeared before it could think of melting. I thought it marvelous that we celebrated an ongoing life on this particular day. The video shows all who were there except the ones that had to leave earlier.

Most funeral gatherings do not feature a magic show, but ours did. Lise knew Rick was coming, and after checking with me, asked if he would perform for us. Neighbor Logan was his assistant for one part.

Rick ended the show playing the musical saw, accompanied by his wife Myra.

The reason I could celebrate John’s life now is that I am convinced he has gone to be with the Lord. Jesus promised that he would go ahead of us to prepare a place for us. Everyone who believes that he died for our sins and rose to life again will be with him in paradise. What marvelous grace is available to us if we accept it!

Link to the video of the memorial service – vimeo.com/726313494

David, the Organ Tech

Several weeks ago grandson David learned how to make the organ play music that the regular organist had recorded. Today was the first time it was done for a service. This is the way it looked in the bulletin.

He went upstairs immediately and got everything set up. I heard him test a few things and took a photo of him before sitting down in the congregation.

I took another picture from my seat. Everything was timed perfectly. The prelude played, followed by the ringing of the outside bell. I knew he was getting off the organ bench and pressing a button on the back wall to make the bell ring. Pastor made announcements, and the service began. There were several times I expected the people to sing responses, but we spoke them. Other than that, everything seemed normal.

After the service, David came toward me. I could see by his beaming face that he was very pleased. The adrenaline was probably still flowing. Some people thought Lula, the regular organist, had been upstairs. Others read the bulletin and mistakenly thought David was playing the keys himself. It wasn’t until we were driving home that he told me we were supposed to have sung responses as usual. I don’t know whether Pastor rushed things or the people didn’t hear the soft introductory note. David was able to skip those bits and come in with the next music right on time. I didn’t ask if the same thing happened in the late service.

When daughter Kate texted me, I asked if she knew David was running the organ. Yes, she knew it was happening. She surprised me by saying, “I saw you sitting by Susan.”

I knew she attended our service on line from New Jersey from time to time, but I never thought about her watching me on live-stream. Thankfully, she was much more on the ball than I was. If she had missed it, she could have seen the recording later.

People congratulated David after both services, and that did my heart good. It’s always lovely to be recognized when you’ve done something new and different. I was amazed that he didn’t seem nervous and was able to keep things on track after a bobble. Good job, David! I am so very proud of you!

Widow for a Week

My first week of being a widow was filled with wonderful people. People from the emergency room and funeral home were patient and kind. One fact has amused our family. Cremation is a two-day process. The body is cremated the first day and cools down the second day. There was teasing about that.

When Shawn knew John was dead, she drove me up the mountain in their golf cart to see a wonderful sunset. I took a photo of her with the sky. She also spent the night in my house, knowing David would not be home until the next day.

This was very hard for Logan, it being one of the first deaths of someone he knew well. When he walked through John’s office, he picked up a train hat and asked if he could have it. Of course, I was pleased that he wanted it and asked him to pose with it.

On our anniversary, Sadie sent her picture. Dogs (and humans) know when people need comfort.

John $ went hiking to look for train tracks for his dad.

My brother Bob came to stay a few days, and he walked to the creek with me. I like having a selfie to prove we were there.

Bob likes to be helpful when he visits. I don’t have pictures of everything he did, but I was very pleased that he replaced a blind that had fallen apart in the guest room. He also installed a rain gauge that John and I had intended to put out.

Most important, since we’ll be having people here soon, he repaired the shower. The diverter failed so that water would not go through the shower head. When we couldn’t find an allen wrench, we called neighbor Bob. Seeing the photo, Lise said it was the Bob Squared Handyman Service.

Many people have called, written, or walked with me. There must be hundreds who said they were praying for us. I never realized how much this would mean. Thank you to everyone who reached out to us. You made all the difference in the world.

Anniversary

Today is our 58^th wedding anniversary. Our celebrations were always low key, but they will be lower than ever today. John is missing it, because he died on Saturday, the 11^th. He and grandson David spent the weekend at the train club where they rode around the tracks and enjoyed being with other train enthusiasts. They were heading home in two cars, John going first. David saw John’s car wander slowly off the small road and cross to the other side where it ran over a stump and bumped into a tree. He was unconscious. Police and an ambulance were there quickly. Hospital people couldn’t get his heart started again. This sounds like sad, heavy news, but I firmly believe God chose the best time for him to die. He had done things he loved most, and he left a little early to get home so he could go to church the next day. I already think this was the best time for me to deal with this, too. I truly believe John is in heaven, already singing and praising God with his whole being.

Our wonderful neighbors were with me immediately. Many, many people were praying – neighbors, church members, family, and friends. For the first time in my life, I truly felt uplifted by prayer. God was taking care of me, too.

This is not a eulogy. In the next few days many people will talk about what a wonderful man John was and the marvelous things he did. I couldn’t begin to list the good deeds of the last 58 years. We will be celebrating all those things, and I will hear of some I hadn’t known before. It will be a celebration of a full life filled with love and joy.

The very day after his death I was laughing with neighbors about amusing things. John had a very good sense of humor, and we were always laughing together. He wouldn’t want me to cry and be seriously sober. I can almost hear his laughter from heaven.

This morning Shawn was sitting on her front porch when I went out to walk and joined me going to the stop sign. Neighbor Cindy passed us going the other way with her dogs. We needed to rest a leg, so I suggested we sit in Cindy’s yard. Her husband was sitting on the porch, so we asked if we could use his deck chairs. He was gracious and soon left in his truck. By that time, Cindy was coming home, and she joined us in the yard. Julie, who lives near me, came to greet us with her dog. What delightful company!

As Shawn and I came home, my brother Bob called. I sat on the porch and talked a blue streak with him and Beth. They patiently let me blather on. Bob offered to come for a few days, and a few hours later he was here. There was a heart-shaped cloud that formed in the sky, perhaps a sign of all the love floating about.

Former neighbor Connie and Shawn came to visit. Connie brought a list of things she dealt with after her husband died, and I know that will be invaluable. What a thoughtful thing to bring to a brand new widow!!

Shawn, Bob, and Logan came over with anniversary gifts – a lovely bouquet of flowers and a helium balloon.. They explained part was from them and part from our children and grandchildren. There was a long story about what went wrong when Bob picked out the balloons. The person didn’t know how to blow them up, and one escaped to the high ceiling of the store. The helium ran out, as did the backup canister of helium. It was a comedy of errors interspersed with long waiting periods. Lise called from Denmark as we sat visiting, so she was in on the party, too.

Fifty-eight years ago John and I embarked on our life together, celebrating with family and friends. Today that joined life is over. We are still celebrating, though in different worlds. For all of you who have been part of our lives, thank you for your love and friendship. God bless you.